Glycerine
by OwlSilverFeather
Summary: Buffy realizes she loves Spike, but the PTB want him to kill the Slayer. All is not what it seems, and with the help of the Angel cast they all must defeat the last Apocolypse (series ender)
1. Must Be Your Skin That I'm Sinking InMus...

It had been watching him for awhile. He was the perfect vessel. The perfect weapon, so to speak. It had heard what the creatures on this particular dimension say: "You only hurt the ones you love". And he loved the enemy. It chuckled. Only a few months ago, the vessel had been so passionate that he would have resisted until death. But love had made him weak, weak enough so he could be confused. It searched through the threads of time, and picked out a particular thread of the vessels. Ah yes, it said to itself. It is she who haunts him most. It peered down through the time/space window at the vessel. It is time.  
  
  
  
**************************************************************************** ****************  
  
Buffy stepped into the bathroom and peered at the mirror. That greasy hair, those grease stains, that demonically hideous uniform. She could almost SEE the now-familiar Doublemeat Palace smell that stuck with her until she scrubbed for an hour in the shower. She stared for a moment more before wrinkling her nose and undressing before stepping into the scalding hot shower. As she scraped every last shred of Doublemeat-tainted skin from her body, she thought back over the events of the last few days.  
  
She couldn't lie to herself. She WAS jealous. But not of the new Mrs. Finn, of Riley. He had found the happiness that she continued to be denied, and that she denied herself. There's no one to love me anymore, she told herself over and over. And every time she thought that, a vision of the one who DID love her would surface, and every time she would repress it. He doesn't love me, he loves fucking me, she would tell herself, and she would believe it.  
  
She waited until she was in her room to drop the towel and get dressed, avoiding the dreaded uniform as much as possible. Buttoning the last button on her shirt, her fingers trembled and one popped off. "Ah, shit", she grumbled, and headed to her drawer to look for an extra. While searching, her fingers brushed against something cold and metallic. She drew it out slowly.  
  
Impossible! She'd put it away a long time ago in her box of things from high school. Holding the metal circle tight in her fist, she ran to check the box. Still there, buried under a bunch of amusing notes from Willow. Then how…?  
  
She peered closer at it. No different than the one she already had. Same design, like all of them have. And yet…that little flash she saw on the inside looked new. Hers didn't have anything on the inside, and this one did. "9/29/97 Love Forever". What the hell? What happened September 29th, 1997? Buffy thought hard, and then realized something so incredible that it was both inconceivable and perfect.  
  
September 29th, 1997. A few weeks after junior year had begun. Parent-teacher night…and the night Spike and Drusilla had crashed it. Buffy had seen him for the first time that night. And he remembered that? Enough to inscribe it on a ring and hide it in her dresser? And no regular ring was this.  
  
A claddagh ring. A circle of never-ending love and devotion, left for her to find. Could it be possible that he really did love her? And could that shiver of delight and excitement that she now felt be love, something she hadn't felt in so long? A single tear ran down Buffy's cheek, and she smiled tenderly. Something moved inside her, something that had been long dead. She laughed gaily and with mirth she didn't know until that moment existed inside her. She slipped the ring on her left fourth finger, and grabbing her coat as she went, locked the house with her sister safely inside.  
  
The truth was so liberating.  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
At the same time as all this, Spike had been lying on his back in his crypt, staring into the black space between the floor and the ceiling. He hadn't spoken to her in the few days since she'd left him, but he'd continued to look for her. Too ashamed to try and work it out, he'd spyed on her during her patrols, admiring her fighting style and the way her clothes clung to her body. And how beautiful did she look, even more so now with that hair that lightly framed that delicate face? If only he could wrap his arms around her one more time…  
  
But it was not to be. Now he could only fantasize about his beloved. How she would come to him and say, "Spike, I love you…oh Spike, I missed you so much…Spike…Spike…"  
  
Wait a minute! There WAS someone calling his name! He sat up quickly, ready to spring on whatever it was, and almost fell off his stone coffin  
  
"Spike, is it now?" said the impossible being standing before him. "Well, it more suits you as a vampire, even if it IS equally unattractive as William the Bloody Aweful Poet!" She gave a high giggle, a titter, full of contempt.  
  
"But you're…so long ago…you're dead!" said the shocked Spike. "You would have died over a hundred years ago!"  
  
"I DID die over a hundred years ago, William," said Cecily. "You're so stupid as to think this is really me? I thought you were at least more intelligent than that. No, I'm not really your dear departed Cecily. I simply chose a body that would be more accessible for you to look at. You wouldn't have even listened to me if you saw me in my true form."  
  
"Then who the bloody fucking hell are you???"  
  
"Your old pal Angel knows me pretty well, as does the luscious Cordelia. I guess I'm most known among your people as the Powers That Be, yes?"  
  
"You actually…exist? No, wait, what am I saying? You're some demon, using a glamour. Behind that face you're just another big ugly I can easily kill myself. Now how about you just make this less boring for me and drop the mask?"  
  
The Cecily creature giggled her sour little laugh again. "You think, with all the power I have, that I'd just use a glamour projection? This picture I created was taken right out of your old mind. I'm as physical as if I actually was Cecily. But trust me, you don't want to try. I'd tear your apart the instant you tried to even touch me. Now why don't we stop playing these games, and let me tell you why I'm here?"  
  
Spike contemplated what this creature, the Powers That Be that used Cecily's form, wanted with him. What can I possibly do? I might as well just hear it out, he thought to himself. He sat back on the cold stone, ready to jump away at any moment, and tried to show an air of confidence that he did not really feel. "Well, go on, then."  
  
"You are foolishly in love with the Slayer. A Slayer who cannot possibly love you back. And yet you continue to love her. You are perfect for what needs to be done. I mean, they do say, 'You only hurt the ones you love'."  
  
"What are you babbling about?"  
  
"The Slayer upsets the balance of good and evil. She aims to rid the world of evil, but all she does is draw it to her. Soon enough, she will draw so much evil to her that she herself will fall to it, and then they will multiply throughout the world. The evil will become unstoppable. We, the Powers That Be, must break this chain of evil. To do that, we must get rid of the anchor that brings it together as one."  
  
"And…and Buffy is this…this anchor?"  
  
"Yes. It seems you are smarter than I originally thought. You are the hammer that we must wield to break this anchor. You must kill the Slayer."  
  
Spike's eyes grew wide with disbelief, then fright, and finally anger and hatred. "What the fuck are you talking about? I can't kill Buffy! Why would you guys want her dead, she's the one that's supposed to KILL all this evil you guys are against, for god's sake!"  
  
"You haven't been listening, vampire. She is unknowingly making this evil GROW, not diminish."  
  
"I can't do this. She wouldn't do anything evil, I know she wouldn't. I love her…I can't kill her."  
  
The creature shrugged its shoulders. "It's your choice. Kill her now, and get it over with. Or wait until the torture that will be your punishment to drive you mad. Either way, William…Spike…you will kill her." With that, it vanished, leaving only a small popping sound that signaled air refilling the place where it had been.  
  
***********************************************************************  
  
Buffy stood outside the crypt for a good 20 minutes, working up her courage. Taking breaths in and out, she brought the finger with the claddagh on it up to her face for a better look. There it was, a symbol of everlasting love and devotion. She was ready to show her love, and have it returned. Taking one last shaky breath, she pushed open the door.  
  
"Spike?" she called into the darkness.  
  
"Buffy? Is that you?" the familiar British accent called back at her, and for the first time it made her heart skip a beat. He walked slowly out of the shadows, a look of concern on his face.  
  
"Spike, I have to tell you something. You're not going to believe it, especially after our conversation a few days ago, but you have to trust me. I'm sincere, really, I'll mean every word of it. Spike, I…" But she sensed that something was wrong. "Spike, is there something up? What is it?"  
  
"Buffy, you have to leave. Right now. I can't tell you why, you just have to go." The vampire glanced all around him, as if someone was going to strike at him at any moment. He was tensed up, eyes wild, fists curled and ready for combat.  
  
"Go where, Spike? It's very important I talk to you, and I have to do it right now."  
  
"It can wait. Just go. You have to…you have to get out of my sight. I can't explain it, not now and possibly never. Just leave. And don't come back. Don't even look back."  
  
"I…I don't understand…"  
  
"I love you pet, you know that, you have to trust me. Don't come around here anymore, at least until I have things settled." He realized she wasn't going to move. "Go now, what are you waiting for?"  
  
"Spike, I demand you tell me what the hell you're talking about."  
  
The pressure was building up inside Spike. In the few minutes since the creature had left him, a feeling of restlessness had begun building up inside of him. The creature had been right…whether or not he wanted to kill Buffy, and he didn't, it was going to happen. He would be driven mad by the mental tortures the Powers That Be were beginning inside his brain, and in his madness he would kill his beloved, unless she left his sight right now. And he was beginning to get angry.  
  
"Get out, you stupid bint, do you hear me? What's wrong with you? Don't you know danger when you see it? Get out get out GET OUT GET OUT!!!!!!!"  
  
Buffy didn't know what to say. She was hurt, so hurt that the tears began to come. But all she could do was back slowly towards the door, always hoping that he would explain. But he didn't, and so she turned her back on him. Just before she opened the door, she said, "You would have wanted to hear it." And she left.  
  
Spike sat down on the hard stone floor, and began to cry long, slow tears. A new wave of pain ripped through his brain, and he let out a cry of anguish as he gripped his head and blacked out.  
  
Buffy also was crying as she walked home confused. Her heart was in pieces, but she acted differently from pre-claddagh Buffy. Pre-claddagh Buffy would have turned out and beat the shit out of Spike for hurting her soon. But new in-love Buffy could only shake her head and wonder, even as she climbed into bed. And still she kept the claddagh ring on. 


	2. And I Didn't Mind, It's Not My Kind, Not...

Indeed, Buffy was trapped by love. Having lost the ability to act aloof and uncaring, she spent all her time when patrolling looking for the one who'd stolen her heart. Of course, it was just her luck that while he used to show up when she least wanted him to that he wouldn't even be there once when she needed him to be.  
  
The one time she did spot him, it was from afar. He didn't see her as he carried his brown paper bag of stolen blood bank blood towards his crypt. As soon as she saw him, her heart once again skipped a beat and she almost called out to him. That is, until she remembered what had happened in his crypt. She still didn't understand what had happened, but she told herself he'd only acted that way because she'd woken him up and he was all cranky-vampire…or something like that. In any case, he couldn't be angry at her. He loved her.  
  
Buffy decided to sneak up behind him and surprise him. Maybe she'd kiss the back of his neck tenderly, or maybe she's pretend to be ready to stake him and at his most vulnerable moment grab him and kiss his passionately on the lips. Originally she planned to do the latter, but her confidence dropped the closer she got to him and switched to the former. Cat-like, she crept up to him, and for a second just admired how confidently he carried himself. Then, gathering her wits, she took that last step and pressed his lips gently upon his neck.  
  
Without hesitation, Spike swung around, and suddenly Buffy was afraid. His eyes were wild with fright…and something else. Buffy couldn't put a finger on it, but there was definitely something very wrong here.  
  
"What are you doing?!?!" Spike yelled, more in shock than anger. "I told you to stay away! Don't you ever listen?"  
  
"Spike," Buffy began, "I couldn't stay away. I need to tell you want I wanted to say three days ago, at your crypt. You wouldn't let me and I let it go, but I couldn't stop thinking about it, and I just need to tell you that—"  
  
"Get out of here, Slayer, before I rip you to shreds!" He grabbed her shoulders roughly and drew her close like he was going to break her neck or drain her of her blood. That pleasant shiver that had been running down Buffy's back turned icy cold with fear, until he leaned close to her ear.  
  
"I don't want to hurt you," he whispered, eyes darting every which way like someone might be watching him. "Pretend I'm hurting and threatening you."  
  
Buffy knew better than to not listen to this. She'd been in enough dangerous situations to understand he was telling the truth. She began to pretend to struggle and close her eyes, pantomiming pain. "I—"  
  
"Don't speak, just listen. You can't come around here any more. Your life is in danger as we speak, and I'm part of that danger. I love you too much to ever hurt you, but it'll make me. Run, stay away from me, and maybe it'll leave you alone. When I let go, look like I just gave you a death threat, and be angry." And he let go.  
  
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Buffy yelled. "Don't you EVER touch me again, you're disgusting. Goodbye, and I hope I never see you again!" And she turned away, but not before she mouthed, "I'm sorry" so he could see she understood. And she did understand, enough to know she had to trust Spike. But her heart was in pieces, and was swiftly being replaced by a need to find how just what the hell was going on.  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
Slow tears began to run down Spike's face as he watched her walk away. After a minute or so, he turned around to pick up his paper bag and finish his walk to the crypt. At least she's safe, he thought. They can't touch her now.  
  
"WRONG!" shouted his newly acquired head-voice. The now familiar but still incredibly painful spasm ran through Spike, and he fell to his knees, clutching his stomach. He felt like his insides were being twisted inside out. He clawed the ground until his nails broke and his hands ran with blood, and still the pain insisted.  
  
"What do you want from me?!?!"  
  
"You know what we want from you, Spike, why are you playing at this idiotic game?"  
  
"I will not kill her."  
  
"You will."  
  
"I will never hurt her."  
  
"You will."  
  
"I WILL NEVER KILL HER!" And amazingly the pain which he thought was the worst pain anyone had ever felt increased even more, and he began to pass out.  
  
"You WILL kill her. There is NOTHING you can do about it. And if you continue to resist us, we shall drive you mad."  
  
"You…can't…make…me…do…anything…"  
  
"Maybe while sane, but who says you'll stay that way? We have powers that exceed anything your primitive mind can dream of. We shall drive you into the depths of your brain, and then you will kill her. Not because you have to, not because you want the pain to stop. You will no longer recognize those things. You will not know what you are doing, except that your mind tells you to kill the Slayer. This is your last chance, Spike. Say you're going to go kill her right after this conversation, and I promise you the pain will stop and we'll never see each other again. Say no…and I've already told you what will happen."  
  
"Why would…the Powers That…Be want…to kill a force…of good?"  
  
"I've already explained that, Spike, she is upsetting the balance, and that cannot happen. Now I'm going to count that three. I think it would be best for you to go kill her, but it's up to you. Are you ready?"  
  
"Fuck…you…"  
  
"1…"  
  
"I'll…never hurt her…"  
  
"2…"  
  
"They'll…get you…"  
  
"3."  
  
"I love…her…"  
  
"Goodbye, Spike."  
  
"BUFFY!" And then he knew no more.  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
At the very moment he called his beloved's name before falling into darkness, Buffy was walking up the stairs to the second floor of her home. All of a sudden, a scream of anguish seemed to echo in her head. She gripped her skull, but it kept bouncing off the walls inside her mind and she collapsed in pain on the stairs. The noise woke Dawn and Willow, who came running to the top of the stairs.  
  
"Buffy, what is it? What's wrong?" Willow gasped in fright, before dashing to her best friend's side. Dawn remained near the railing, afraid to move or even to say a word. Buffy didn't answer, but instead doubled over from the screaming inside her head. "Buffy, answer me, damnit, answer me!"  
  
"Wha…what?" said Buffy meekly, as if from far away. She suddenly gained her senses as the scream was abruptly cut off. She jumped up and stared at Willow. "Someone's been hurt. I heard it, in my head. I know that sounds weird, but it was right there, horrific pain in my head."  
  
Willow drew her friend close in a hug and said, "It's not weird. This is Sunnydale, remember? Weird is our specialty." Then she held Buffy at arm's length and said, "You heard them in your head, not outside?"  
  
"Yes, exactly. But it sounded so real, so…"  
  
"Familiar?"  
  
"Actually, yes. Familiar. Like I know them. Like I've spoken to them before, or knew they were in danger…" Her voice trailed off.  
  
"Buffy! Buffy, what is it? Whatever it is, you can tell me."  
  
"Spike."  
  
"Spike?" Dawn said, her first words since she'd heard his sister fall. "What's wrong with Spike?"  
  
"He was acting weird. I…I saw him in the cemetery when I was patrolling. I surprised him by saying hello, and he completely turned on me. He pretended to be hurting me and started whispering things, insane things. Things about him needing to hurt me, but that he doesn't want to, and that he couldn't be around me if I wanted to stay alive. And he kept looking everywhere, like someone…or something…was watching his every move. Like he was being hunted."  
  
"We have to help him. If he was being told to hurt you, then there's definitely something new in town." Willow looked up, surprised at how take- charge she was being. "I'm sorry. I can't ask you to do this, you're in pain."  
  
"It's alright, Will, it's passed. But you're right, we have to find out what's going on. And now. Let me call Xander and Anya, we have to go on mass patrol to see what's up. And Will, I hate to ask, but you understand, we need every bit of defense that we have…"  
  
"You want me to call Tara. I understand. I can call her, I know she'd want to help." And she went upstairs to make the call.  
  
Dawn gave a little grunt of disgust. Once again she was going to be left out. No one wanted to be around her, the ex-Key, the green energy, the thing that didn't really exist. No one loved her, especially not…  
  
"Dawn?"  
  
She turned around abruptly and was staring right at the very serious eyes of her big sister. "What?"  
  
"I want you with us. We need everyone, and you and Spike get along. Maybe you could help us out." Buffy noticed a skeptical glare beginning on Dawn's face. "There's no catch, and I'm not joking. I want you with us. Will you please help us?"  
  
Dawn was too surprised to even think. Buffy was really sincere. And slowly the glare was replaced with a smile. "Of course".  
  
Willow came back down to join the Summers girls. I called Tara, and Anya and Xander too. They'll meet us at the gate to the cemetery right now." She looked pointedly at Buffy. "You sure you're going to be alright?"  
  
Buffy nodded. "I'm fine. I'm more than fine, I'm determined. Get your coats." 


	3. Everything's Gone White and Everything's...

They met at the gate of the cemetery. Xander and Anya, arm-in-arm, and Tara, shuffling nervously from one foot to another. She and Willow exchanged uncomfortable glances, but that was a situation to be dealt with later. For now, they were ready to deal with the task at hand.  
  
"Everyone remember, we're not there to hurt Spike, no matter how much he needs to hurt me. Restrain him if he becomes a threat, though. We're just going for an interview, got it?" They all nodded a nervous yes. "Alright. I guess we'll go."  
  
The group marched off towards Spike's crypt. Buffy was shaken and in no mood to deal with anyone's shit, and when one pathetic vampire jumped into her path she staked him without even looking once. Within five minutes they reached the door of his crypt. They were about to walk right in, when Buffy's ears perked up and she held up her hand in a gesture of silence. "Hold up, I hear something." She pressed her ear to the door, and heard something that shocked her.  
  
"Kill her. Kill her. Kill the Slayer. You hate the Slayer, you want to murder her. Make it fast, make it good. You like the kill, you love the kill. Kill. Kill!"  
  
Normally something along these lines would not shock Buffy, only make her wonder what kind of beastie was visiting Spike. Except this time, she recognized the voice. The right owner of the voice was standing only a little ways behind her.  
  
"Dawn?" Buffy called. "Come and listen, tell me what you here." Her sister obeyed, and pressed her ear to the door next to Buffy. She listened for a moment, and then looked at the group with her eyes wide in fear and shock.  
  
"It can't be! Glory's in there!"  
  
"WHAT?" chorused the group.  
  
"She's in there! She's saying, 'Kill the Slayer' and stuff like that!"  
  
"Dawn, what are you talking about," Buffy asked in total confusion. "That's not Glory. That's…that's you!"  
  
"No, that's Glory. I'm standing right here, or are you an idiot? That slutbag is in there!" She backed away and they could see he was visibly shaking. Xander stepped forward.  
  
"Let me hear." He listened, and then said, "I don't know what you're all on about, because that's not even a girl! That's my father!" He stopped for a moment to consider this. "Wait a minute…what's my father doing talking to Spike?"  
  
"Alright, I'm sick of this. Move!" With one flying angry kick from the Slayer, the door burst open.  
  
Spike was hunched over in a corner, his face shifting every other second from normal to vampire. He was shaking and wringing his hands, and his body shone with slick cold sweat. He was shaking his head in a gesture of defiance, but at the same time he was grinning with teeth bared. But that was far from the worst of it.  
  
In the middle of the room, Buffy saw the figure of Dawn, dressed in the robe she had worn the day she was to be sacrificed as the key. The Dawn figure turned around the second the door opened, and for a second Buffy thought it was all real. Then the thing's eyes fell upon the rest in the room, and it flickered, like an old movie.  
  
"Did you guys just—"  
  
"Yeah, we saw. What is it?"  
  
"I don't know…but it's not Dawn…and it's not human."  
  
The thing began to quickly flick shapes. At first it was Dawn, but it began to flicker to other things. The group spotted D'Hoffryn, Xander's dad, Rack, Glory, and a woman who must have been Tara's mother. And then with a screech, it became a woman dressed in old-fashioned clothing, a woman of high status. Spike looked up from his shaking and saw it, only to begin screaming and wailing.  
  
The thing pointed one steady finger at them all, and said, "Get out. We don't want you. We want the Slayer."  
  
Buffy stepped in front. "Oh please, like I haven't heard this routine before. OK, so what are you? Demon? Mind-reader? Shape-shifting human? Because I'm going to kill you anyway, but I like knowing what I'm fighting."  
  
"Little girl, I am power beyond your wildest imaginations. And you cannot touch me…us. Not yet, anyway. And that is why you must die."  
  
Buffy looked back at her friends. "Leave. Right now. Grab Spike if you can, and run as you can back to my house."  
  
"But, Buffy…"  
  
"GO!" Willow ran forward and grabbed Spike legs, as he'd now gone limp. With Xander's help, they carried him away from the corner and ran for the door. Dawn took one last look back, and then the door was slammed by Tara's magic.  
  
Buffy began to pace around the creature masquerading as a woman. "What is your name?"  
  
"I have many names."  
  
"That's obvious, dumbass, I meant this shape. What is the name of this shape?"  
  
"Her name is Cecily. She was ideal for my purposes here. Of course, she is not ideal for your death, but I have yet to decide if I want to reveal myself to you yet. I prefer your death to be as painful as possible. And that is why William will kill you."  
  
"We've taken him away from you now. You have no power over him."  
  
"Perhaps not. But I still have power I can use on you myself. Are you ready for this?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You are wrong. I want you to feel your death with every atom, every piece of your essence. This will be no fight, only a parry. Go now. Go try and find out what I am, and then see if you think you can fight me."  
  
"Are you serious? You're not going to fight me?"  
  
"It's not my intent for now, no. But soon, little girl. Very soon." The thing opened its mouth wide, and a wave of acrid air blew Buffy back and through the suddenly open door. Before it shut again, she saw it give a little mocking wave, and the door slammed shut. Buffy turned around without one thought, and ran, fast as the wind, to her warm home. 


	4. I Don't Want This, Remember ThatI'll Nev...

When she reached home, she found the whole group gathered around the couch, upon which Spike was spread out. He was quiet now, no longer moaning and screaming at the phantoms that tortured him. To Buffy, he looked blissful and serene, more beautiful than she had ever seen him before, and her heart reached out to him. But it was not time to fix Spike yet, it was time for action.  
  
"OK Buffy, so you want to tell us what the HELL that was?" asked Anya. "Because I've met a good many demons in my day, and nothing ever felt as evil as that before."  
  
Buffy, Xander, and Willow exchanged a look. They knew exactly what it was. Only a few years ago their friend Angel had faced this very same creature, and almost lost his battle with it, had it not been for Buffy. They had faced the Bringers, they had fought to free themselves and the world from the threat of the First Evil. They had won, for a day, but they knew in their heart of hearts that they had only delayed the First's works, not stopped them. And here it was again, ready to take down the world.  
  
"Anya, Tara, have you ever heard of a thing called the First?"  
  
"No."  
  
"The First is basically evil incarnate. It controls all the evil in the world. Its thing is, or was, balance.making sure that as long there is good in the world, there is evil too. The last time we faced it, it was doing the exact same thing to Angel as we found it doing to Spike: taking a haunting form in order to make him hurt me. But something feels different this time. I don't think it has the same agenda as before."  
  
Willow looked at Spike. "Do you think that he knows anything? He was in that crypt with it for a long time. Maybe he'll remember something."  
  
As if he'd heard, Spike suddenly stirred in his unconscious sleep and began to moan pathetically. "I don't want to hurt her," he was saying. "Not Buffy. Never Buffy. I love Buffy." Slow tears began flowing down his face as the Scoobies looked on in horror. Spike's body began twisting and turning, wracked with pain. He clawed at his own face and bit his lip, drawing blood again and again, never satisfied with the pain he was inflicting on himself as a self-punishment. Buffy darted around Dawn to climb on top of Spike and restrain him. She shook him hard until Spike woke up. His eyes were still cloudy though, and he didn't see her. Instead he tilted his head to the ceiling and howled.  
  
"Do something!" yelled Buffy, and Tara and Willow exchanged a look.  
  
"I can't do this alone," said Tara. "But it's too dangerous for you. You can't do magic, not anymore."  
  
Willow reached over, and slowly took Tara's hand. "I couldn't do it alone either," she said. "But maybe, if you just help me, hold me.we can do this together."  
  
Tara smiled at the girl with whom she'd shared months of love and trust, and knew they could make this work. It would be hard, but it could work. And so she clasped Willow's hand harder, and they concentrated all their healing magicks at Spike's twisting body. From their two hands a bolt of white light came shooting out and hit Spike square in the forehead. It hissed, and Spike screamed bloody murder, but then the light blinked out, and the screams stopped. Spike's body went limp, and he didn't move any more.  
  
Xander looked at the two witches. "What'd you do?"  
  
Willow explained. "There was some force controlling him, centered somewhere in his body. He was basically being mentally tortured. Our spell concentrated on only that one area of his body, and burned away the spell inside him. He's free from the First now, at least from that particular torture." Then she looked at Buffy. "Should we take him upstairs?"  
  
Buffy nodded. "I'll do it."  
  
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Once upstairs, she lay Spike down on her bed. She got up, looked at him softly, and then turned to leave and go back downstairs. Before she reached the door, however, Spike stirred again, and sat up slowly, sore but free from his eternal headache. "Buffy?" he whispered.  
  
"I'm here," she said. She turned back, and sat at the edge of the bed.  
  
"Is it gone?" Spike asked. He was almost afraid to hope. It could still be lurking, in the shadow of the bed or in Buffy's closet. It could be lying in wait, or it could even be Buffy here sitting in front of him. "Are you it? Are you going to hurt me?" The tears started again. "Please make it stop."  
  
He expected her to either start haunting him again, or if it was indeed the real Buffy to leave him in disgust like she always had. But instead she reached out a hand in order to take his. "Who are you?" he asked, in shock.  
  
"Spike, it's me. Believe it or not, it's me. I've been trying to tell you for a few days now.I found your ring."  
  
He went red and turned away. "Oh.that. It was just a hope. It doesn't mean anything, really it doesn't, and you don't have to-"  
  
"I don't have to accept it, I know. But it does mean something, Spike. It means everything. It means you're sincere about everything I've doubted you on, and I shouldn't have. You really.you truly.you love me."  
  
"You know I do, Buffy. And I wish you did as well. But you've made it quite clear that you don't feel the same way. It hurts, it hurts more than I thought I ever could hurt. But I have to accept that, you know? If I really love you, I have to learn to let you go. You'll never feel the same way."  
  
"Spike.these days are going by so fast. I don't know what's coming, now that we have the First to deal with. But I don't want the world to end without letting you know how I feel. I've been messed up. I've been looking for ways to feel, and I went about it the wrong way. I've been coming to you for all the wrong reasons.I've been using you to feel, but instead I just became emptier. But if I could just kiss you.one simple kiss, full of love (yes, love), and it could be returned to me the same way, then that is all the feeling I've ever wanted. Spike?"  
  
"Buffy?" he whispered, barely able to get out her name. She was being sincere, he could feel it with every inch of his body. His skin tingled. This was different from every other time she'd paid her visits to him. This was pure, this was true, this was.  
  
"-love you."  
  
"What?" He couldn't have heard her right.  
  
"I love you."  
  
He heard it, clear as anything. And he believed her. She was right, wasn't she? Only one way to be sure. Could he kiss her softly, tenderly, and show his love for her? He leaned forward as she did the same. He ran his hand through her soft hair, and turned his head to the side. Slowly their lips came together as their eyelids came down, and they sank into the kiss. There, in the dark of Buffy's room, they shared their first true kiss, not of need, but of mutual love for one another. 


	5. I'm Never Alone, I'm Alone All The Time,...

Down the stairs they walked, hand in hand. As they reached the bottom, heads turned, eyes stared, mouths gaped, but no one said a word. They were all too shocked to say anything.  
  
Spike turned to look at his love. "Buffy? Perhaps we shouldn't."  
  
"Okay, what's going on?" interrupted Xander suddenly, the silence having been broken. "Buffy, you go upstairs to put the vamp down to sleep and next thing we know you two are all lovey? What gives?"  
  
Tara understood. She had been the one that Buffy had come to about her problems with Spike, and she knew what had happened upstairs. Buffy had had a lot to sort out in her life. She had been loveless for too long. But this had been only because she had denied herself love. Once she had opened herself up to the possibility, Buffy had been able to see what had truly been right in front of her nose the whole time. "I'm happy for you, Buffy."  
  
Xander snorted. Buffy turned abruptly towards the sound, and said, "Xander, deal. All of you know I've been having problems. Well, we all have a major problem now, and it's time to be honest with each other. Spike and I have been.have been sleeping together for awhile now. But I was using him. I recently told him I was going to leave him, because I didn't love him, but deep down I really did love him. I just couldn't trust myself to love him. Look what he did for me tonight, you guys...he resisted that monster to save me at the price of his own sanity. Dawn, don't you remember when he refused even after being tortured to tell Glory who you were? He's fought with us awhile now. I think it's time we open all our hearts to him."  
  
During her whole speech, everyone had continued to stare, including Spike, until one after another they began to accept what was going on. Xander still couldn't believe what was happening, but he loved his friend dearly, and decided to trust her. Willow and Tara had taken hands again, and both Dawn and Anya had bestowed smiles upon Spike. Spike, however, could only stare at Buffy. His dreams were really coming true.  
  
After a moment, Buffy shook off the silence and said, "We can't do this alone. We're going to need more help than we already have. We need major firepower, like Watcher power, vampire power. Guess we'll have to make a few calls."  
  
She started to walk out of the room with Spike before turning around. "Time to get in touch with a few old friends."  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Xander, Anya, Dawn, Willow, and Tara were left around the table in the living room, staring at each other. They didn't really know what to make of the situation.  
  
"So." began Dawn.  
  
"How long do you think they were doing it?" blurted out Anya, in typical Anya fashion. They all stared at her. "I mean seriously. When do you think it started?"  
  
"That night you went with Amy to the Bronze, Willow, and Tara stayed with me.Buffy didn't come home either," said Dawn. "I bet it started then."  
  
"Yes," said Tara. "That was the first time." She looked down at her hands, nervous again, and then at Willow. "I wanted to tell you guys, I knew you were all worried about her lately, but I'd promised her I wouldn't tell anyone, and I respected her wishes. I saw her at the Doublemeat Palace, and she was all upset, and later she broke down here and started crying and told me everything."  
  
Willow smiled at her newly reunited love. "I think it's romantic. I mean, okay, he used to kill people including two slayers and he's tried to kill me and the rest of us on multiple occasions.but I really think he loves her. Did you see the way he was looking at her just now? He couldn't believe she was saying all that stuff, and he was really impressed."  
  
Xander snorted again. "How can you all take this so lightly? He's a vampire, for crying out loud!"  
  
"You said the same thing about Angel," said Dawn.  
  
"And I'm still not his biggest fan, especially after he turned all Angelus on us. But at least when he was good, he could be trusted to be good, cause he had that soul. Does Spikey-poo have a soul? Noooooo. I think Buffy's just walking into another trap, falling in love again with a bad guy."  
  
Anya turned to Xander, disappointed. "Wouldn't you expect her then to say the same thing about me? I used to be a bad guy, a vengeance demon. I didn't get any special make-me-good whammy like Angel did, just my powers were taken away. That's the same deal with Spike. Do you trust me?"  
  
"It's not the same."  
  
"It's exactly the same. No one's perfect. You're right, we can't promise that Spike's truly changed. But Buffy's right too. Look at all the good things he's done for us since he joined our group. He's fought a million battles on our side. He's saved Dawn more than once, and he's done his best to prove himself to Buffy for over a year now. I think he's worth a benefit of a doubt."  
  
Xander sighed. "I guess you're right. I don't like it. But I did a terrible thing to Buffy once before. I could have told her about the re- souling spell being done on Angel, and just because I didn't like him I didn't, and look how that turned out. This is her chance for happiness again, and I can't hold her back because of my misgivings. Nothing's telling me not to trust him, it's just my history with him. Okay. Okay. I'm good."  
  
The group looked around at each other. Indeed, none of them were perfect. Xander hadn't told Buffy about Angel's re-souling. Dawn was a thief. Anya was a former vengeance demon. Tara had hid secrets about her family even from her lover. Willow had a serious magicks problem, which with Tara's help would hopefully get better. Yup, none of them were perfect. But they could forgive each other. They would all need to learn to work together anyway, especially when the cavalry hopefully came to help soon. Speaking of which.  
  
"Should we see if Buffy got through to Giles and Angel?" asked Anya. They got up and turned towards the kitchen. 


End file.
